Korean American Families in Immigrant America by Sumie Okazaki Nancy Abelmann

Author:Sumie Okazaki, Nancy Abelmann [Sumie Okazaki, Nancy Abelmann]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Social Science, Anthropology, Cultural & Social, Ethnic Studies, American, Asian American Studies
ISBN: 9781479826254
Google: Vg1XDwAAQBAJ
Publisher: NYU Press
Published: 2018-10-09T04:25:39+00:00

This one time [Jenny] received “purity education” at church and she wore a ring home, which meant she was keeping herself pure for God. She came home and asked me about having premarital sex and took off the ring, saying that she was not confident that she could keep her virginity until marriage. So I said, “[Jenny], I don’t think you need to do that [i.e., remain a virgin until marriage].” But when I told my friend about this, she got so upset. She is unmarried and a very conservative Christian. She said that God emphasized purity and asked me how I could possibly say those things to my daughter. I had never really thought about this issue seriously before and I’m not so sexually liberal myself, having only ever slept with my husband. But, I don’t think it’s right to impose on [Jenny] that she keep her virginity without letting her think about it on her own.… My friend told me that God allows sex only in marriage, but I’ve never seen that in Bible. So I told her that and she said it’s there in various chapters and that it’s a cardinal Christian principle. But I still don’t agree with her. If [Jenny] enjoys sex and loves someone and she is honest and sincere in the moment and willingly makes a decision, then I don’t think she has to wait until marriage. Of course, she would have to take responsibility for her decision. And my friend got very upset. On my way home that day I gave it some thought. I haven’t resolved it yet. When [Jenny] took off the ring I told her that it’s OK but that she’d have to be mature enough to make the right decision, mature enough not to do it for fun or merely out of curiosity.

In this account, we can see that Mrs. Park held her ground about the virtues of mother-daughter openness and intimacy. This story speaks to Mrs. Park’s liberal inclinations in two ways: first, in her openness to premarital sex, and second, in the intimate conversation itself. In much the way that Mrs. Park could take note of her differences from the ethnic fold, so too could Jenny thus appreciate her mother in the landscape of “Korean” (vs. White American) parents.

There was yet another ethnically inflected matter that same afternoon at the mall that reflected Mrs. Park’s concern that her immigrant daughter be comfortable in her body—this following a chance encounter with a slender and pretty Korean American girl the family knew. Mrs. Park was worried about Jenny’s self-esteem and body image. Jenny, Mrs. Park surmised, typical of many teens, was concerned about her appearance. (To our eyes, Jenny was a healthy, attractive, and normal-weight teen girl.) When Jenny spotted earrings that she described as “pretty, like a princess’s earrings,” Mrs. Park was quick to offer, “You’d look like a princess if you wore them.”

In the final minutes of the shopping outing, walking past the ring section, Jenny held up a ring and laughingly said, “Mom, will you marry me?” Mrs.

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